Liberation.

I realize I have not posted on my blog in...well, a long time. I do love writing, but this past month or so has been overwhelming to the point of silence. I just simply didn't feel like saying anything. It's been one of those months where you are just tested and become exhausted. I realized I have a lot of things to work on in my life and I am not ashamed to admit that. God made me human, so therefore I will make mistakes. And it my job to edit myself, to grow, to learn and to make myself into something that God will be proud of.

I think one of my biggest struggles lately has been dealing with my own personal outlook on everyday situations. I have become one of those "glass half empty" people and I am not okay with that. It all started when I did nothing but waitress. All day. Everyday. At first I was perfectly content with working that much, since I was making good money. But it got to the point where all I wanted to do was complain. I'm sure people were annoyed with me, but hey, I make mistakes.

I then was confronted with the issue of gossip. By no means am I the person who makes up ridiculous rumors and spreads them carelessly. No, I would never do that. But I do admit to being that person who vents frustrations that travel faster than you can say "I'm sorry." And every time it seems to blow up in my face because I am not brave enough to confront the person I am venting about.

When I got back to school, you could say I was flooded with experiences that made me put my life back into perspective. My brother literally almost died, my homework piled up over my head, and my sorority sisters and church family were living a life that I missed. They showed me what it truly meant to be a follower of Christ and I missed feeling like I was a part of that life.

So I decided, and am still pursuing, to re-evaluate and redirect my life. I read my Bible twice, maybe even three times, as much everyday, because I feel like I need to be fully submerged in the Word if I am going to go anywhere. I decided to listen to nothing by Christian music for a week, because I needed to fill my mind with nothing but pure faults. Now, I am not saying that secular music is horrible. I personally am a fan of Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga and all that jazz. I will be the first person to dance around the moment Party Rock comes on. But I needed to set my mind on something higher, so I took them out of my playlist for a week to make sure I kept my mind focused on a holier purpose. And I made sure to surround myself with my Christian friends. I have tons of friends that aren't neccessarily Christian, but they just simply don't understand the struggles that Christians have, so their support can only help me so far. I needed my brothers and sisters in Christ to be examples for me as I was pulling myself out of this ditch I put myself it.

And it worked. I was able to redirect my life within two weeks to something much more meaningful.

If it still doesn't make sense, look at the picture above. It is an activity we did on my sorority's retreat. We wrote all of our worries, anxious thoughts, fears and anything else that was causing us stress on a rock. And with all of the sisters screaming their heads off behind me, cheering me on, and screaming my name: I threw the rock as hard as I could into the lake. Very liberating. Very much symbolic of how I felt these past three or four weeks.