In "Today's Letters" style....

If you haven't read the blog Today's Letters, please do. But any who, this blog is written in letter's style.

Dear GOD, Have I thanked you yet? Probably so, but I don't think I have said it quite enough. You knew how tough this year was for me. And you knew just how to make it all better. You are the best doctor, you give the best prescriptions.

Dear Slower Lower, Long time, no see, eh? But it's okay we will be reunited soon, my love. When we meet each other for the first time in months, expect a few tears and a lot of smiles.

Dear Roomie slash Sister, Can you believe in about two weeks we will be able to prove people wrong, and get away from the life that stresses us out?! Get ready for a summer filled with identical work schedules, long beach days, beach runs, and Ocean City rides. Oh, and not to mention independence.

Dear New Boi, I like text message that give me the name and artist of your song of the day. You definitely understand my love of music, and God.

Dear Simba, thanks for being the best study buddy, ever and infinity.


Dear Matchmakers, you know who you are. You may be scheming and sly, but you know love you with all my heart. Have I thanked you yet? By the way, stealing laptops is not nice.

Dear Sisters, life without you in the summer is going to make my heart sad. Permanent move to the 302 soon? I think so.

Dear JMU, it's been fun. Except this week. Finals week, bleck. I could do without this week.

Happy or Sad or Happy or Sad?

Is possible to be sad that you are happy?
Or happy that you are sad?

What I mean is: Is it okay to feel sad leaving my school and the reason being that I am completely and utterly happy here? And is it okay to feel happy that I have a sense of sadness leaving here, because that proves that I feel at home here?

Oy vey. I am at a cross roads here.

Balance Beam.

I don't like being scared. I don't like being unsure of how to land the next move or stick my dismount. In fact, I have no idea what exactly it is I am going to that will land me on the safety of that mat. Do I even know how to perform the trick that the judge is asking me to land?

Yeah. I feel like that a lot.

Right before you go to college, people will always as you the same question: Why did yo decide to go to that school? Don't get me wrong, I love JMU. And I really liked the school when I went through the tour. But if you asked me to give you an exact reason as to why I went to this school, I was never able to give one.

In fact, I still have no reason. I honestly just felt like I needed to come to this school. I liked it, but there was no driving reason for why I am here. In fact, it was more based on the fact that did not, under any circumstances, did not want to go to UD (or UDel as some of you non-Delawarians call it). Again, don't get me wrong: I love UD. Great school. Delaware pride. All that jazz. But I just knew I was not supposed to go there. It was not for me.

So, pretty much: I just was unsure of how to even begin to try to stick the landing. I wanted to impress the judge, but I had no idea how to do this trick, or that I even wanted to try.

But, low and behold, God (the judge, if you didn't get that metaphor) showed me exactly what I needed to do.

Everything is falling completely in place. It is like an errorless puzzle. My mouth is literally agape with awe, and my jaw mine as well be stapled to the floor.

I have reasons for being here now. I can now give full-hearted reasons as to why I came to JMU, even though I didn't know them before I came here.

Let's just say, it was completely God's will for me to come here. He has really revealed himself this week on a level that I am having trouble comprehending.

I almost love this place so much that I am going to feel extremely torn leaving to go home for the summer in two weeks. I love home and school too much. I can't decide which one I like more.

Dear God: Thanks!

What to say, what to say. Uhm, how about: AMAZING WEEK. No, really. It has just been amazing.

Honestly, this year was really starting to wear me down. Especially second semester. The long nights and the work loud really started to reveal themselves.

But God has rewarded me so much lately: new job, working with best friends, summer around the corner, and I really could list many more. But...

I won't go into details on here, but pretty much I am the happiest person ever. Ever.

Thank you God. No. Really. Thank you with all my heart.

These guys are awesome...

I Just Love Rain.

My fascination with rain has only gotten worse since I've come to this school. Never have I ever been the type of person who hates rain. I don't find it depressing, nor gloomy, nor sad. In all honestly, I find it refreshing and just plain happy.

My parents told me, like most parents probably have, that the rain was the tears of the angels. Just like thunder is God bowling, and lighting is just Him taking a picture with the flash now. Now, if you were to get all scientific about it, you would just say that rain is condensation, that got too heavy in the atmosphere, and was catapulted toward the ground by gravity. But what fun is in that?

When I was little I hated the thought that angels were upset. I didn't like it when anyone in my family cried,  much less angels!  I would think of them as happy tears. Tears from extreme excitement, because rain couldn't possibly be anything else. Rain was fun to play in, fun to watch, and, well, just fun in general.  In my small mind, how could something so fun be the result of sad angels?!

Rainy days are actually my favorite. I am always in a good mood when God decides it's time to give the plants a little drink.

It's Late, I'm Tired. So I Randomized.

Enjoy the lovely picture of me and my brothers Skyping. Can you tell we are related?

Anyways...

Today was much better than the rest of this week as been. Can you believe it is only Tuesday?! (Okay, well technically it is Wednesday since I am typing this at 1 a.m., but I am still in Tuesday mode so just go with it.)

I think I may try my hand at the Daniel fast again. I had to stop last time because I got sick and couldn't keep anything in my stomach for more than two hours, so real food was needed. But I think I am going to try it again at some point. Having some sort of spiritual discipline and challenge will be good.

I am in the middle of Chapter 4 in Crazy Love, and it is about Lukewarm Christians. I would blog about it, but strangely enough I already have. I found this chapter online a few months ago. So go ahead, read up on the profile of a Lukewarm Christian. It's pretty good stuff. *Thumbs up!*

I did laps today in the pool. I did a little under a 1000 yards total, which isn't that bad at all considering I completely lost any type of swimming muscles I may have once had. It was rather refreshing. I did nothing but think the entire time, which was nice, because I don't get to do that often.

A lot of randomness today, I know. But I really have nothing of substance for today. It's almost two in the morning, so my ability to actually create a good post is, well, significantly lacking.

One last thought...

Verse of the Day? That would be Matthew 7:11  "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"


Just throwing this out there: my parents have given me some AWESOME gifts through out my life time: a car, a guitar, little brothers and a little sister, skydiving session, a new bedroom... oh, and the gift of life, I guess that is an important one to, eh? So, how much better can God's gifts be? Uhm, a lot! Yeah, exactly. 


In the words of Forrest Gump: That's all I gutta say 'bout that!


Goodnight!

Uhm,

Let me just say: I wish I could dance like these kids! Haha!

Coincidence? I think not.

Yet another productless night simply because of the amount of thoughts in my head. I really needed some personal reflection and silent time with God, so I put my school work aside for the night and did just that. And it was greatly needed.

God's will is sometimes extremely hard to follow. You pray. You hear what God wants you to do. And then your first reaction is, "Uh, are you sure?" Our human nature tells us to be stubborn and ignore what God's will has called us to do, but honestly, there is no escaping it. It's there. Staring you blank in the face. And it is not going to leave you alone until you stop being hard-headed and do what God wants you to do.

That's where I am at and have been the past week. My human nature tells me to be stubborn, while the Holy Spirit is telling me to just stop being an idiot and listen. Well, okay, maybe not that harshly. But you get the picture.

I started reading Crazy Love last night before bed. And only four chapters in, I realized something very important. It is something, as the book says, that we have always been taught, but neglect to really reflect on. The size of our God. The mere perfectness of our God. Just, how amazing he is and worthy he is of our love and just how much he loves us. These are all things that we are taught within our years of vacation Bible school and church camps. It is the "Jesus loves me this I know, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO" mentality. The Bible tells us that we are loved and should reciprocate, but have we ever really applied it. Instead of just learn it.

I just sat back and thought about all the awesome things God has done or created on this Earth that just show how powerful he really is.

All the different faces, hair colors, and body types.
The sheer size of a mountain range, randomness, and how it looks purple from a distance.
Each little leg on a centipede.
The connection between the eye and the brain that allows us to see.
The concept of freedom and individuality, the protection from robotic life styles.
The Milky Way (And I am not talking about the candy bar.)
The fact that the waste from plants is essential to our ability to breath.
How delicately the seeds on a dandelion are attached, in order for them to spread to grow.
The human brain capacity to create mathematics and computers.
Fish that can withstand the massive pressure of water thousands of feet below the ocean.
The concept of love.
The ability to create, understand, and speak language.
How the tides work perfectly in sync because of the moon that is miles and miles away.
The strength of a seed to spurt its plant out of the ground, watered or not.
The fact that a baby's head is not solid before birth.
How each organ in the body knows exactly what is supposed to be doing only because of the complex system of chemicals and brain activity that we have yet to fully understand.
How an oyster, arguably one of the most ugly looking creatures, can create a pearl.
How an entire body can balance on two feet and ten toes.
How a baby can be a perfect genealogical mixture between both parents.

Now that is one legit God. Agreed? That is the God that I want to love.

None of these are coincidence.
It just makes you step back and realize how great he is.
And if I cannot follow and put my full trust in the will of THAT God, then I have a problem.
Not God. Not my friends. Not my family.
Me. I have the problem.

See the flames, Stretching Higher.

I am totally supposed to be studying for my Media Literacy test tomorrow, but it is quite impossible right now. I think I have maybe ten different emotions going on in my mind right now. It is a little overwhelming to say the least. Happiness. Success. Frustration. Worry. Excitement. Joy. Sadness. Annoyance. Exhaustion. Homesick. Yup, that pretty much just sums it all up. All I can really do right now is just close my eyes and listen to music, because doing anything else just sets my mind off again.

Isn't it annoying how people always say, "The past is the past, just forget it!" but yet, the past always finds a way to creep back in your life. No matter how much you think you are okay with it, it just never seems to go away. I just really wish I was more comfortable with all the situations I have dealt with in the past, because if I was, I would be a much more open person and a stronger Christian. But it feels like I am getting now where. Every time I feel like I have finally climbed and struggled up the mountain, I fall off a cliff and have to start all over again.

I pray to God all the time to help me. And he has. But then my mind, somehow (and not by conscious consent) escapes God's will and just brings me back to those places where I feel most uncomfortable. My past has been relatively easy compared to most people. I have not had an catastrophic events, sudden deaths, or intense illnesses, but it has been hard for me. They are my struggles, and they are hard for me.

I have a few books on my reading list at the moment, and I hope that I can finally start them soon: once I get enough time in my day. Crazy Love, and then Captivating. Crazy Love is a book most people have heard of and it is all about God's love, about how we don't deserve it, about how it never ever ends. And Captivating is about a women's heart, womanly beauty, and the concept of love. I am praying that both of these books will help with specific situations in the past.

On a side note, I had a lovely time with my brothers and sisters at campfire tonight. My favorite part? Making up praise songs on the spot. It was, honestly, nice to just express my praise in my own words, and not through someone else's lyrics. I needed that little outlet, because I needed a reconnection with God this week, and I truly think that helped me. I have been so caught up in my annoyingly busy schedule lately and my relationship with my schoolwork, that I have neglected the progress of my relationship with God.

And now, my brain is just drained. I need summer more than any of you can ever know. Freshmen year has been a trial and a triumph all in one. I need a breather, preferably on a beach.

Soundtrack to My Day

It never ceases to amaze me how much music morphs my mood. The two, and pretty much only, positive things about today revolved around music. Not only did I sleep in way late and miss my first class, I had to rush to get my tutoring application done, sit through the most awkward-and not to mention disgusting- sex talk in my health class, and to top it all off, I forgot to eat, so I stuffed my face at like 9:00 o'clock tonight.

But back to the music. First off, I discovered the BEST artists I have heard in a while today. If you have not heard or listened to the Civil Wars, go. Go now. Their music is absolutely beautiful and insightful. But the best part was, it is GREAT study music. *thumbs up*

No but seriously, it is. I got so much stuff done because the music was just dynamic enough to drown out the sound around me, but relaxing enough to not distract me.

And if you don't think that finding good study music is a happy moment, then I'm sorry. My nerdiness tends to show every once in a while.

The second music-related thing was worship night. Although it almost got canceled, the original set list was neglected, and I didn't have my guitar, it went pretty well. I mean, watching the lyrics via youtube on the laptop or just belting it out stage is pretty random. Yay for spontaneity.

But, sorry to be a Debbie Downer, I had to study through out periods of the day for my philosophy test tomorrow. Reading "On Liberty" is not on my to do list.

Ugh.