Let me just say...

Judgement is God's job only. Not ours. You cannot judge something, or even really develop a valid opinion on anything unless you either: one, know exactly what your are talking about, or two have experience first hand.

One criticism, and judgement,  I am receiving A LOT lately is the fact that I have been born and raised in public school, and know go to a stereotypical party school.

Apparently, "my mind has been corrupted."
Apparently, "my education is behind."
Apparently, "I am tempted with serious sin."
Apparently, "Public high school is all bad."

It has been kind of frustrating to say the least.

Okay, yes. There are "bad" things that happen in public schools, but every thing has something bad in it. I'm sorry my parents can't afford a private Christian school, and I am sorry my parents have careers (in the public school system) and don't have time to home school me.

And let me just say, I have never felt closer God than at JMU with my CHRISTIAN sorority sisters. And the CHRISTIAN Intervarsity dance parties. And the CHRISTIAN worship nights. And awesome CHRISTIAN fellowship.

And at least I actually exercise my faith.
I'm not a "couch potato" Christian: one that sits down and takes in and takes in, and never exercises anything off. I don't want to be a fat, unhealthy Christian. I want to be happy and fit.

I have been put in situations where I have be tested and tempted, but yet I put all of my faith in God, and he showed me just how strong he is.

So you can't tell me that public school and secular college has "ruined" me or affected my faith.

Sorry for the rant, it just has been frustrating me lately.

Dose of Happy

People really need some doses of happy into their lives. Like, seriously. One thing I hate about waitressing: the annoying customers. 99% of the time, my tables are all nice. But there is always that one that just ruins your night. One of my tables got SO mad at me because I forget to say no pecans on the salad, and the fact that there were shells in their crab cutlet. Their entire check had to be voided to make them happy, and they only left me a 10% tip. Yay.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 "When times are good, be happy. When times are bad, consider, God has made one as well as the other." Maybe I should just right that on the back of all my checks.

On a side note, my back is SO burned. I fell asleep on my stomach today at the beach for like twenty minutes. Mistake. Because now I can't bend my back without getting a little sting. At least it will turn to tan, right?

But regardless of the sunburn and snobby tables, I worked it out at the gym. Woo hoo, three miles and weights. Summer body, here I come. By no means am I insecure, but what is so wrong with wanting to look and feel good, and not mention healthy? Not a thang.

Now I am just tired. And my dog is staring at me, with a ball in his mouth. Nooo! I do not want to play dude. But as soon as I yell that at him, he gets on my bed and lays down exactly where I sleep. This dog is annoyingly smart......

Wrandom Writings.

I really had no direction for my personal reading tonight, so I literally just began flipping through the pages. Just thought I would share some verses I came across that really hit me when I read them:

Proverbs 3:7-8 "Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones."

Hosea 10:12 "Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, till He comes and rains righteousness on you."

Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Colossians 1:9 "For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will all wisdom and spiritual understanding."

Hebrews 12:14 "Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord."

Also, I read more of Captivating today at the beach. I wanted to share some cool stuff from there too:

"A woman in the presence of a good man, a real man, loves being a woman. His strength allows her feminine heart to flourish. His pursuit draws our her beauty. And a man in the presence of a a real woman loves being a man. Her beauty arouses him to play the man, it draws out his strength. She inspires him to be a hero."

"The woman God had in mind when he made Eve...and when he made you. Glorious, powerful, and captivating."

"Rather than asking, 'What should a woman do-what is her role?' it would be far more helpful to ask, 'What is a woman-what is her design?' and 'Why did God place Woman in out midst?'"

Reading and Praying.

Is there such thing as separation anxiety and depression combined? Like, separation depression? Not that I hate being at home, but I got so used to my busy life at school; filled with people every where, nonstop talking and late nights. And here, I am alone half of my day, and work the other half. I am just so bored. I try to fill my time with errands, beach time, working out, reading my Bible, reading books in general and such, but I overall I just want to be with people. I miss my JMU family.

My parents and brother go to bed at like 9 or 10, but I dont fall asleep until like 1 or 2. That's four, I REPEAT, four hours of silence and alone time. I am a huge fan of alone time, but not everyday.

And most of all, I need my rock star back in my life.

But I know that I am here for a reason. God's got my back. He knows what he is doing, and that is where I find my joy.

I just keep reading and praying. Reading and praying. Reading and praying.

2 Samuel 22:31-33 "As for God, his way is perfect. The word of the Lord is proven. He is a shield to all who trust in him. For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? God is my strength and my power. And he makes my way perfect."

Serendipity?

I may or may not have took an hour and a half nap on the beach today. Okay, I totally did. And it was so amazing. Let me just tell you how much I love the beach: a lot. It was a bit chilly, but I loved being wrapped up in my towel. The ocean put me to sleep. AND, I got a little sun. Hallelujah!

The rest of my day was so good too! Disregard the fact that I had to miss church this morning because of work. Kind of upsetting, but after Memorial weekend, I am hoping to get my Sunday's off again once everyone is finally back in town. But, I did go to church tonight! And I even had dinner with Olivia and Chase at Dumser's. Yay for rootbeer floats! Oh, and even though I my game was totally off, volley ball was fun too. P.S. Sorry to my team for making us lose about 8 points, my bad.

I really needed a break, and some time with my church friends. So bad. After working a double, I was just so so so tired. I missed actually having a life. But I finally feel like I have my Christian support again. I haven't felt that since I left JMU.

Moo-La!

Oh muh gawrsh, I'm tired. Who knew that Cruiser Weekend would actually affect little old Warren's Station?! I don't think I have seen that many people come in before the week before cruiser weekend. Sheesh. Yeah, all of the cool vintage cars everywhere are kind of neat, but I could do without the sudden flow of people coming into the restaurant with only five waitresses on the floor. I was sweating my booty off. But hey, at least I actually made some money tonight! *Insert happy dance here!*

Now before people start saying anything, let me just say, I am not one for holding money as a high priority. But with an apartment to pay for and school to survive, making money feels so bueno! Not that 100 bucks is a lot, but it's enough!

The Life, the Work, and the Wardrobe.

The only two things I have worn this past week are: my work clothes (move your eyes upward please) and my bum pajamas. I think a wardrobe change is seriously needed here. Shall we add a bathing suit? Oh yeah, I can't. Because the weather is being lame times ten!

But seriously, in addition to a wardrobe change, I need to seriously re-evaluate my life home this summer. I need a small life change. This past week has been, well to say the least, not at all what I expected. When I was at school, what I missed most about home was being with my friends, making money, the beach days, and my family. Well. I've seen all the friends I really want to see. I am making money (if any at all, because people don't know how to tip at least 15%, ergh). There have been no good beach days. And I love my family and all, but SHEESH, waking me up in the morning to clean the house? Couldn't that have waited until like, uhm, noon instead of nine in the morning?! (P.S. I am by no means a morning person, so I was not to thrilled about doing that.)

So let's re-evaluate here:

I felt a bajillion times closer to God when I was at school. I need to find that again. Personal devotions and Bible studies need to be at full speed. Along with hanging with my gang at youth group. And prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.

I feel like a lazy bum. I have worked out twice since I've been home. No, wait. Three times? Ergh, I don't know. Either way: It's not enough. So I joined a gym. Now I just need to get my key card so I can go after work. Woo hoo!

I spend way to much time watching movies. So I got a good book, a.k.a. Captivating. But I still need to find more ways to spend my time away from a screen. Get out the gee-tar again? I think so.

And sleep?! Oh muh gawrsh. If I sleep past noon one more time, I may have to punish myself. Someone please help me make sure I wake up?! Cause I stink at it, regardless of the number of alarms I set. I think my record is seven alarms, but don't quote me on that.

Two Thumbs Up.

Because I am such a dork sometimes, I spent a few hours today watching this documentary. It's called Waste Land. And it was. So. Good. Now, it may just be my appreciation for art or  my weakness for the humble-hearted, but this movie was so beautiful.

The artist, Vik Muniz, make art out of the trash found in the world's largest landfill in Brazil. There are people there who make a living picking through the trash to find recyclable materials. They are called "pickers." Muniz took portraits of a few of the pickers he had met, and with their help, and turned them into huge portraits in a studio using only materials found from the dump. They were amazing! The best part is, all proceeds made from the portraits were given directly back to these people to help them get out of the dump and help them better their lives.

A movie like this does two things. One, makes your realize how awesome we have it here in the states. The homes these people live in look like gross shacks to us, but to them, it is a home. And two, makes me want to do missions ten times more. People assume that the pickers are all drug addicts, prostitutes and alcoholics, because that is what the internet tells them. But talking to the people showed that that they are just trying to survive, are kind hearted, are proud to be pickers, and most of all, need help.

Like seriously, look at these portraits. ALL. MADE. OUT. OF. TRASH. OHHH MUHH GAWRSH!

She is a professionally trained cook, but found herself in the dump. She cooks food, right there within the trash, for all of the pickers, using the neglected food and meat from the markets that come in on the dump trucks.

He is the president of the association that represents the pickers. You'd be amazed at how smart he is. He reads all of the books he finds in the dump, that people have thrown away. 

This girl is 18 years old with three kids, and has to spend weeks away from them at a time at the dump to support them.

My favorite one.

Women.

I finished reading Crazy Love (So good by the way!). And I just started reading "Captivating" by Stasi Eldridge. Mind you, I am only a dozen or so pages into the book, but it is SO good thus far. There is so much truth in it about the women's heart and what it means to be a woman in the image of God.

Here are some really cool passages and quotes and such from the book so far:

"Think about it: God created you as a woman. Whatever it means to bear God's image, you do so as a woman. Female. That's how and where you bear his image. Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities: as a reflection of God's own heart. You are a woman to your soul, to the very core of your being. And so the journey to discover what God meant when he created woman in his image, when he created you as his woman. That journey begins with desire."

"We're all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, "The Proverbs 31 Woman," whose life is so busy I wonder when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light never goes out at night? When does she have sex? Somehow she has sanctified the shame most women live under, biblical proof that yet again we don't measure up? Is that supposed to be Godly? That sense that you are a failure as a woman?" (You have to read the entire passage to understand the context, but nonetheless interesting.)

"There is something fierce in the heart of a women.... A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important.... And what about women like Ester and Mary and Ruth? They were biblical characters who had irreplaceable roles in a Great Story. Not "safe" and "nice" women, not merely "sweet," but passionate and powerful women who were beautiful as warriors."

"She was no longer eighty; She was ageless. God has set eternity in our hearts. The longing to be beautiful is set there as well."

The King is enthralled by your beauty. (Psalms 45:11)

I MUST!

I've been home for a little over a week now. And let me tell you, I have done nothing but eat, sleep and work. Not exactly the fabulous summer I imagined, but again, it's only been a week. And the weather here has been, well to say the least, pathetic. COLD AND CLOUDY AND RAINY?! Really. Ugh. I need a beach day. Now.

I have been having the worst trouble lately with falling asleep. Exam week always messes with my sleep schedule's head. Bleh. I think the earliest I have fallen asleep in the last few days, regardless of how early I actually laid down in my bed, is about two a.m. But even worse, I have even more trouble waking up in the morning. I have resorted to setting five, I repeat FIVE, alarms. Yet, I still manage to sleep through them? Go figure.

But for real this time, I plan to start my summer work out slash diet this week (a.k.a tomorrow). I gave my self a nice week of rest and relaxation, but now it's time to get back in business. Tomorrow I shall wake up, get my pass to Sea Colony, work out, get my brother pins all set up, drop the pins off, maybe even squeeze sending my books back to Chegg.com in there, and then head to work (again).

I must start being productive! I must. I must. I must.

Yup.

It took me FOREVER to unpack. I lost my room in all the madness. But no worries, I found it again. 

On a side note, I think my dog missed me. He won't leave me alone. 

Sigh, tear, scream. No bueno.

I have so much to be happy about. I really do.

But at this moment in time, happiness is getting harder and harder to find.

But that is not say that I am unhappy. No way Jose. I mean, come on! I get to see my little brats slash lovers (a.k.a. the little bros and sis) in T-minus 2 days. I repeat: 2 days! I cannot wait. Not to mention that this time next week, I will actually have money in my wallet and some tannage on my skin. Insert happy dance here. And this time two weeks from now, I will be preparing for an independent adventure with my roomie/coworker/sister/cousin/best friend. Can I get a fist pump? Alright.

But back to what I was trying to say: leaving JMU for four months is twenty seven times harder than leaving my high school forever. I have way to much fun at school (Yes, I did just use fun and school in the same sentence. GASP!). And now I have to leave my new found best friends, and work my butt off all summer? Sigh, tear, scream. No bueno.

And although we will be coming back, and I realize that it is not the end of the world, I still will miss this place ever so dearly. So here are a few little shout outs to all those people I a miss, a lot.

The Roommates: Roomies for two years? Bring it on! You make my home life a lot more interesting than it actually is at my real home. And although we (and by "we" I mean Tyra and I) are very mean to each other, its all love. If it wasn't for Jessie, me and Tyra might be dead as a result of the other's anger. As Jessie would say: "I can't be sure."

The Matchmakers: Sisters in Christ? Yes. Sisters in heart? Yes. Sisters in Friendship? Yes. Biological sisters? Alas, no. But we mine as well will be. I will miss our muddy adventures and iHop runs and our heart-to-hearts.

The rest of the Doughty's: You redefined the concept of a "church family" for me. In a good way, be sure of that! I will miss the campfires and the madness almost as much as I will miss the church.

Froomies (as Britt Card deemed it): Our vent sessions, PLL nights, and girls nights kept me sane. And Rachel, every time I watch Tangled, I will think of you. Brittany, thanks for bringing out my redneck. Kirsten, if you ever need someone to go track down the other two again, you know how to call.

My Wonderful Big: Our lunch dates slash homework dates were the highlight of my week (even though the planning kind of failed toward the end of the semester). Don't forget me this summer miss! Oh right, you won't, because YOU ARE COMING TO DELAWARE IN JULY. And don't listen to whatever Michael tells you about my little state, it's only a little boring.

Lilies and Doves and SAO Loves: Without the love that you guys expell constantly, I can honestly say that I have no idea where this semester would have lead me. All I know is that without you, I would have let my relationship with God this year would have crumble and dissolve. Thanks for loving a stranger, and then loving me a sister. True beauty of a Christian right there.

Rockstar: Short, sweet and to the point is pretty much how we roll. Most would say "Eh, too fast." But I say, no way Jose. Daily songs and Bible passages?! Yeah, I think you'll do. But I guess we got to change our speed from full force to slow and patient. Poop, not happy about this. Just a warning: Be expecting a lot of texting or Facebooking or Skyping over the next few months.

Well, that is all. If I did not mention you, it's not that I don't love you! It's just that I have to be across campus in ten minutes so I didn't really have time to recognize each and every person.

My dorm room is, for all intensive purposes, empty.
My friends, well half of them, are gone.
My brain is fried.
My body is tired.

Is it time go yet? Or am I even ready to go?

Yes, I guess I am. It's gonna be beachy on the other side. I cannot wait to be reunited with the ocean.