Job and Finals.

I know that these upcoming weeks aren't looking too exciting for most of you. In fact, I am sure that if you are a college student, the busiest part of your semester is beginning, or maybe you are in the midst of the most demanding storm yet. 

I read the book of Job last week, and it surprisingly--but sure not coincidentally--helped me put this week into perspective.  I, like you, have an insane two weeks. I even sit here now putting off a presentation and an exam, both unfinished and taking place tomorrow. But, strangely enough, I am currently so at peace and so calm, because I think of Job. 

Granted, I realize the college final exam week does not compare to the sheer disaster Job had to endure. While we have fast approaching deadlines and impossible time lines, Job had no family and essentially nothing to live for. There, honestly, is no comparison. But, the mental stress and exhaustion is still present. And the need to rely on God is still as necessary.

“But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.” - Francis Chan

We aren't called to be comfortable. Everything is not supposed to play out perfectly, and it never will. So don't expect it to. We are called to be put in situations where we will fail if God doesn't help us. 

If it was up to me, I would sacrifice my grades for comfort. I would sleep instead of staying up late to get in some last minute studying. I would watch TV because it is more fun then memorizing lists definitions. I would hang out with my friends rather than sit alone in a study room because I love people. If it were up to me, I would be comfortable.

Think of Job. Although he had nothing going for him, and people telling all of these wrong things. He tried his hardest to understand what was going on. He refused to curse God, even though he was encouraged by his wife to do so. And in the end, he was blessed because he stood for God, even when he complained, because that is what he is called to do.

Now, you are probably thinking, what does this have to do with me and my horrible, awful finals week?

Think about it. Like Job, you have people telling you wrong things--like skipping a few hours of studying to hang out with them. Like Job, you probably have people pressuring you to do the wrong thing--like not studying and accept a lower grade. Like Job, you are confused--wondering why you have such a horrible exam schedule. Like Job, you are tired and hurting--your stress, lack of sleep, and overall exhaustion just makes for a very unhappy college student.

Now, here is the real question. Like Job, are you leaning on God?

“When I am consumed by my problems-stressed out about my life, my family, and my job-I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice.” - Francis Chan

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice.” Philippians 4:4

Think about that. Have you begun to put your due dates and exams schedule before the command to rejoice? I know for a fact I have. Have you convinced yourself that being consumed by your problems is a legitimate excuse to forget that God is still there? I know I have.

Actually, I know for a fact that if if God didn't graciously bless me with the energy, mental determination, and overall desire, I would literally fail these exams. 

After looking back on what I read in Job, and looking forward to the hectic two weeks I have in front of me, I realized I was missing something. God. So I asked, and I received, and now I am peaceful. Yes, I am stressed, but I am not unhappy.


So here is what I suggest.


Relax. And just talk with God a little bit.


Tell him how stressed you are. Tell him how much you love him. Tell him that you are confused, and that's okay.


Then, take a break. Drink some coffee. Dance around in your underwear to Call Me Maybe. Call your Mom. Read a Psalms.


Study some more. If you feel stressed, read another Psalms. Then talk to God again.


Don't be afraid to eat junk food, and bring a sleeping back to Starbucks.


It will be okay, I promise.


 Lean on God, he has your back. 

Cancer Never Sleeps.

It has been almost two years.

When I was a senior in high school, I was forced to do senior project in order to showcase the skills I had learned in the four years of my high school career. But, it is weird how something that you are forced to do, can morph into an experience that imprints who you are as a person.

I raised money for a pediatric cancer camp. At first it was just for a grade. It started off as a cool idea--an idea to help people, and to honor my grandparents who had passed years before from cancer.

When my grandparents were undergoing treatment, I was sheltered from the worst parts because I was so young. I just knew that cancer was bad. I knew that cancer was sad. And I knew that cancer was what took my grandparents away from my family.

But it wasn't until I was invited to the camp that it really hit me.

I knew cancer was scary. But, yet, I didn't know cancer was scary. Does that make sense?

Long story short, seeing kids--anywhere from three to fourteen years old--walk around with bald heads, tired eyes, and the occasional IV really struck me.

It has been almost two years since I visited that camp, and there isn't a moment yet where that memory has ceased to exist in this small little college brain of mine.

Thankfully, I get to channel some of this passion for supporting cancer patients and cancer research this weekend.

I was blessed enough to be captain for my sorority's Relay for Life team. Treading through this week, my first thoughts have been:

"I am so stressed!"
"I have so much to do!"
"I can't, I'm busy."
"Oh crap, I forgot something else."

But those moments only last for a fraction of a moment. How selfish am I? How selfish am I to complain about an event that represents the walk of a cancer patient? Why do I get to complain about being too busy, when they don't even have the opportunity to become busy because they are foregoing treatments four times a week? When they have to feel worse before they get better? When the thought of their future is balancing act?

Have you ever read the Relay for Life poem entitled "Cancer Never Sleeps?"

Well here you go: "The Relay begins when the sun is setting as this symbolizes the time that the person has been diagnosed with cancer. As the evening gets darker, this represents the cancer patient's state of mind as they feel that life is coming to an end. The evening gets cooler and darker, just as emotions of the cancer patient do. Around 1 am to 2 am somewhat represents the time when a cancer patient starts treatments. They become exhausted, sometimes sick, not wanting to go on and often times wanting to give up. During these hours in a Relay, participants feel much this same way while walking, but they cannot stop or give up, just as the cancer patient does not stop or give up. By 4 am to 5 am this is symbolizing the time that the treatment comes to an end. Once again they are tired and weak, but they hope they will make it. The sun rising represents the end of treatment for the cancer patient. The morning light brings the new day full of hope of being cured. So do the participants of the Relay, feel the brightness of the morning and know that the end of the Relay is close at hand. When the participants leave the Relay, they can think of the cancer patients leaving their last treatment, and just as the participants are exhausted and weak, so is the cancer patient. But remember never give up on the hope that one day, with everyone's help, there will be a cure."

I find a strange joy in being able to "suffer" through a sleepless, rowdy night.

I cry a lot when I think about this topic. Because, Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop, you may have passed when I was young, but I carry you with me in the deepest part of my being.

I am relaying, for you. I am fighting, for you. I will not sleep, for you.


Eternal love,
Your Granddaughter

Courageous.

Have I mentioned how much I love being home?

First of all, let me say: I shot a gun today! Kelsey and I headed over to Erin's house to go skeet shooting. Granted, I wasn't that good, but at least I shot it down on my first try, ever! Plus, I got to meet Erin's boyfriend DyLan, and I approve! Then me and Kelsey picked up my baby sister Olivia, ate good old Oceanside pizza, got Haha's, then met Dillin and two of his friends for putt putt in Ocean City.

But, I think the best part of my day was coming home and having a movie night with my dad and brothers.

We watched Courageous.

No one noticed, but I teared up a few times. And I am not one who cries at movies!

It kind of, as it said in the movie, hit me right between the eyes.

Obviously, the movie is about parenthood and the role of fathers. And, yes, I realize I am neither of those. But the movie still had a lot of weight regarding leadership, responsibility, and leaning on God in times of struggle. And that, my friends, applies to everyone.

I look at my little brothers, and my little sister, and I always wonder what type of people they will grow up to be. So far, so good. Actually, let me correct myself. So far, so great. But, I hope they keep going in that direction.

It isn't my job to raise them, but I still feel a sense of responsibility to be a role model to them.

In fact, rather than just being a role model to my siblings, I hope to stand out to everyone, for my Christ.


Matthew 5:13-16
“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

Rant over.

Home Again

There's something so humbling about being home, crossing the line into your home state, and just feeling happy.

I packed my bags without a thought. Just the necessities. All I wanted to do was drive home.

The road signs slowly changed from "Springfield" and "Richmond" to "Salisbury" and "The Beaches." Smiling ensued.

Actually, as was well until I made a small pit stop on the way to my dad's. I stopped at my mom's house to pick up a few things. But, silly me, I forgot that they like to turn the alarm on they are away on vacation. And surely enough, I set the alarm off, without knowing how to silence it, and had the police call.

Oh well.

I finally got to my dad's after having a minor heart attack.

And I hugged Connor, Jared, and Olivia.

Home. Love. Warmth.

Identity.

It's true what they say. You never really know yourself.

I think that is something I have always struggled with--my self identity, my own personality, and individualism.

But that is what college is for, isn't it? To leave your save haven of familiarity, to be put in completely new situations, and to grow past the expectations of your hometown.

So who am I? Who have I discovered after completely almost half of my college career?

I am a girl who grew up very loved, and had trouble accepting that love until now, simply because I had trouble seeing it due to my own arrogance.

I like feeling girly on the inside, but when it comes to being girly on the outside--the fashion, the hair, the cliche love for anything pink--I hate it. Sweat pants, hoodies, and a sloppy bun feel much more like me than a cute outfit with matching earrings and pink flats.

I am too independent for my own good. More often than not, I refuse help even on the simplest of tasks. I like doing it myself, which is not the best thing. I ignore help from God, my friends, and my family.

I have turned from a brick wall into a wooden fence. I used to be very guarded, and ran from any chance to show any sort of emotion. Shyness. Introverted. Parted. That was me, and that is starting to change. In fact, it has changed.

I grow more by leading than by simply doing.

I have trouble keeping myself accountable, and rely on my God and the people around me to point out in areas that I am lacking any sort of drive.

My clumsiness will never disappear, so I mine as well embrace it now.

I am a walking oxymoron.

I will jump at the chance to try anything new. Within in the past year I have learned how to knit, crochet, surf, longboard, and play ukelele. I met Nick Jonas, tried bubble tea for the first time, and went to a archery range. I am half way finished reading the Old Testament because I have never done it before. I am running a Mud Run next week. If it's new, it excited me.

Only two things make me feel better: writing and music. And sometimes food.

I am not a marriage oriented person. I don't know why. I can't explain it. I know I probably should be. But honestly, I look forward to many other things in my future life more than I do to getting married.

I could go on and on. But ignore my own self identity crisis and find your own. It's refreshing actually.