Sigh, tear, scream. No bueno.

I have so much to be happy about. I really do.

But at this moment in time, happiness is getting harder and harder to find.

But that is not say that I am unhappy. No way Jose. I mean, come on! I get to see my little brats slash lovers (a.k.a. the little bros and sis) in T-minus 2 days. I repeat: 2 days! I cannot wait. Not to mention that this time next week, I will actually have money in my wallet and some tannage on my skin. Insert happy dance here. And this time two weeks from now, I will be preparing for an independent adventure with my roomie/coworker/sister/cousin/best friend. Can I get a fist pump? Alright.

But back to what I was trying to say: leaving JMU for four months is twenty seven times harder than leaving my high school forever. I have way to much fun at school (Yes, I did just use fun and school in the same sentence. GASP!). And now I have to leave my new found best friends, and work my butt off all summer? Sigh, tear, scream. No bueno.

And although we will be coming back, and I realize that it is not the end of the world, I still will miss this place ever so dearly. So here are a few little shout outs to all those people I a miss, a lot.

The Roommates: Roomies for two years? Bring it on! You make my home life a lot more interesting than it actually is at my real home. And although we (and by "we" I mean Tyra and I) are very mean to each other, its all love. If it wasn't for Jessie, me and Tyra might be dead as a result of the other's anger. As Jessie would say: "I can't be sure."

The Matchmakers: Sisters in Christ? Yes. Sisters in heart? Yes. Sisters in Friendship? Yes. Biological sisters? Alas, no. But we mine as well will be. I will miss our muddy adventures and iHop runs and our heart-to-hearts.

The rest of the Doughty's: You redefined the concept of a "church family" for me. In a good way, be sure of that! I will miss the campfires and the madness almost as much as I will miss the church.

Froomies (as Britt Card deemed it): Our vent sessions, PLL nights, and girls nights kept me sane. And Rachel, every time I watch Tangled, I will think of you. Brittany, thanks for bringing out my redneck. Kirsten, if you ever need someone to go track down the other two again, you know how to call.

My Wonderful Big: Our lunch dates slash homework dates were the highlight of my week (even though the planning kind of failed toward the end of the semester). Don't forget me this summer miss! Oh right, you won't, because YOU ARE COMING TO DELAWARE IN JULY. And don't listen to whatever Michael tells you about my little state, it's only a little boring.

Lilies and Doves and SAO Loves: Without the love that you guys expell constantly, I can honestly say that I have no idea where this semester would have lead me. All I know is that without you, I would have let my relationship with God this year would have crumble and dissolve. Thanks for loving a stranger, and then loving me a sister. True beauty of a Christian right there.

Rockstar: Short, sweet and to the point is pretty much how we roll. Most would say "Eh, too fast." But I say, no way Jose. Daily songs and Bible passages?! Yeah, I think you'll do. But I guess we got to change our speed from full force to slow and patient. Poop, not happy about this. Just a warning: Be expecting a lot of texting or Facebooking or Skyping over the next few months.

Well, that is all. If I did not mention you, it's not that I don't love you! It's just that I have to be across campus in ten minutes so I didn't really have time to recognize each and every person.

My dorm room is, for all intensive purposes, empty.
My friends, well half of them, are gone.
My brain is fried.
My body is tired.

Is it time go yet? Or am I even ready to go?

Yes, I guess I am. It's gonna be beachy on the other side. I cannot wait to be reunited with the ocean.

In "Today's Letters" style....

If you haven't read the blog Today's Letters, please do. But any who, this blog is written in letter's style.

Dear GOD, Have I thanked you yet? Probably so, but I don't think I have said it quite enough. You knew how tough this year was for me. And you knew just how to make it all better. You are the best doctor, you give the best prescriptions.

Dear Slower Lower, Long time, no see, eh? But it's okay we will be reunited soon, my love. When we meet each other for the first time in months, expect a few tears and a lot of smiles.

Dear Roomie slash Sister, Can you believe in about two weeks we will be able to prove people wrong, and get away from the life that stresses us out?! Get ready for a summer filled with identical work schedules, long beach days, beach runs, and Ocean City rides. Oh, and not to mention independence.

Dear New Boi, I like text message that give me the name and artist of your song of the day. You definitely understand my love of music, and God.

Dear Simba, thanks for being the best study buddy, ever and infinity.


Dear Matchmakers, you know who you are. You may be scheming and sly, but you know love you with all my heart. Have I thanked you yet? By the way, stealing laptops is not nice.

Dear Sisters, life without you in the summer is going to make my heart sad. Permanent move to the 302 soon? I think so.

Dear JMU, it's been fun. Except this week. Finals week, bleck. I could do without this week.

Happy or Sad or Happy or Sad?

Is possible to be sad that you are happy?
Or happy that you are sad?

What I mean is: Is it okay to feel sad leaving my school and the reason being that I am completely and utterly happy here? And is it okay to feel happy that I have a sense of sadness leaving here, because that proves that I feel at home here?

Oy vey. I am at a cross roads here.

Balance Beam.

I don't like being scared. I don't like being unsure of how to land the next move or stick my dismount. In fact, I have no idea what exactly it is I am going to that will land me on the safety of that mat. Do I even know how to perform the trick that the judge is asking me to land?

Yeah. I feel like that a lot.

Right before you go to college, people will always as you the same question: Why did yo decide to go to that school? Don't get me wrong, I love JMU. And I really liked the school when I went through the tour. But if you asked me to give you an exact reason as to why I went to this school, I was never able to give one.

In fact, I still have no reason. I honestly just felt like I needed to come to this school. I liked it, but there was no driving reason for why I am here. In fact, it was more based on the fact that did not, under any circumstances, did not want to go to UD (or UDel as some of you non-Delawarians call it). Again, don't get me wrong: I love UD. Great school. Delaware pride. All that jazz. But I just knew I was not supposed to go there. It was not for me.

So, pretty much: I just was unsure of how to even begin to try to stick the landing. I wanted to impress the judge, but I had no idea how to do this trick, or that I even wanted to try.

But, low and behold, God (the judge, if you didn't get that metaphor) showed me exactly what I needed to do.

Everything is falling completely in place. It is like an errorless puzzle. My mouth is literally agape with awe, and my jaw mine as well be stapled to the floor.

I have reasons for being here now. I can now give full-hearted reasons as to why I came to JMU, even though I didn't know them before I came here.

Let's just say, it was completely God's will for me to come here. He has really revealed himself this week on a level that I am having trouble comprehending.

I almost love this place so much that I am going to feel extremely torn leaving to go home for the summer in two weeks. I love home and school too much. I can't decide which one I like more.

Dear God: Thanks!

What to say, what to say. Uhm, how about: AMAZING WEEK. No, really. It has just been amazing.

Honestly, this year was really starting to wear me down. Especially second semester. The long nights and the work loud really started to reveal themselves.

But God has rewarded me so much lately: new job, working with best friends, summer around the corner, and I really could list many more. But...

I won't go into details on here, but pretty much I am the happiest person ever. Ever.

Thank you God. No. Really. Thank you with all my heart.

These guys are awesome...

I Just Love Rain.

My fascination with rain has only gotten worse since I've come to this school. Never have I ever been the type of person who hates rain. I don't find it depressing, nor gloomy, nor sad. In all honestly, I find it refreshing and just plain happy.

My parents told me, like most parents probably have, that the rain was the tears of the angels. Just like thunder is God bowling, and lighting is just Him taking a picture with the flash now. Now, if you were to get all scientific about it, you would just say that rain is condensation, that got too heavy in the atmosphere, and was catapulted toward the ground by gravity. But what fun is in that?

When I was little I hated the thought that angels were upset. I didn't like it when anyone in my family cried,  much less angels!  I would think of them as happy tears. Tears from extreme excitement, because rain couldn't possibly be anything else. Rain was fun to play in, fun to watch, and, well, just fun in general.  In my small mind, how could something so fun be the result of sad angels?!

Rainy days are actually my favorite. I am always in a good mood when God decides it's time to give the plants a little drink.