You know, I have been at a sort of loss lately as to what I want to talk about on this little blog of mine. It's not that I have lacked topics to talk about or lack of any feelings to sort through. Actually, it has been the exact opposite. I've had tons of thoughts running through my brain. The problem, honestly, has been the fact that I don't know how to write exactly what I want to because I don't even know what it is that I am feeling. But if there is one thing I have learned this semester, it is that writing is my outlet: I may not be the best writer in the world, but I genuinely love it because it is my tool for self-exploration and self-understanding. So, here we go.
I have a new appreciation for the gift of life. I don't mean to bring these rough situations up again, but yes, my brother almost died. My best friend and her family dealt with a tragic death. And my roommate lost one of her closest friends and teammates unexpectedly just two days ago. And then, of course, my boyfriend and I went to see the new movie "In Time" and it really just hyperbolized the fact that time is limited, and you never know when your clock will run out.
So with such a short life, where does that leave me? Let's be honest here: I am nothing but a piece of dust on the timeline of eternity. And so is everyone else. It's only in eternity when my life becomes dust no longer, but becomes a stone: permanent and stagnant. Your life will become permanent one day too: the question is, where will it be?
I pray to God I can spend eternity with Him. And I pray even more that my family and friends will be with. And that is where this whole re-evaluation on life has lead me: the need to reach out to the ones I love.
Here we go Taylor: It's time to stop being a coward. Stand up. Speak up. And stand out. And whoever is reading this: You do the same. I've decided it is time for me to stop taking my relationships for granted. I've decided I am taking my relationships off the backburner, and putting as a top priority, and reach out to those who desperately need something more in their life.
Another thing I have learned lately is the true definition of love. No offense to the Disney movies, but they don't exactly portray realistic love. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Disney and probably more than a normal human being should. But the love they taught me is the love I believed. I believed that love is a feeling, an emotion, or an immense sense of happiness of sorts. In a way, yeah, that is kind of true. But, it is not the whole truth. It is great to "feel" something for someone, but I hate to burst your bubble: no matter how much you love someone, that feeling will not last.
If you don't understand what I mean, think about it this way. Jesus Christ. If my relationship with Him was emotionally based, like we are bred to believe love is, then I would not be a follower of Christ. If faith was emotion based, the moment something bad happened or the instant we became upset or stressed, our belief in Him would diminish. Sorry, but that is not how it works. In my relationship with Christ, I have to make a conscious decision to lean on him during the good, AND the bad. Now, if that is how my relationship with Christ works, why should my relationships on Earth be any different?
Love, I have learned, is a decision. It is a life choice. It is a promise to remain faithful even when you are completely hopeless. It may not "feel" good, or "feel" like the love we have been taught, but that doesn't mean that the love isn't there.
And the last thing I have learned: the future is scary. I don't mean that in a negative way. I just mean that I have to learn to come to the realization that I am not a kid anymore. It's a sad truth, but I guess I can't ignore it forever.
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