This picture is from Goa, India. Like I said, I have recently been a little obsessed with this blog. I just love reading about her travels. She had 24 hours in Goa and posted about this little beach hut she stayed in a for while. No electric, lots of sun. As she said in her blog, to make the most of your beach hut, rise with the sun. I just want to do something like this one day, and when I think about that, I just think of one more thing....
The future scares me.
I sit here and watch my some friends of mine graduate, others who are preparing to graduate in the spring, and others who are stocking up their resume for when they do graduate. Meanwhile, here I am sitting in my apartment bedroom, at midnight, watching International House Hunters merely wishing that I could be searching for an apartment in Poland or Paris. And then, of course, I feel like I am being surrounded by dozens of stories about aspiring writers and journalist who are slowly making the transition from bottom-of-the-barrel to successful.
Where does that leave me?
And no, I am not scared as in "worried out of my mind" and "stressed to death." No. Not that. When I say that I am scared, I mean that I have not taken a step forward in any single direction. So, there are dozens, hundreds even, of routes I could take. And I feel like I am just standing in the middle of the intersection trying to decide which road to take. It's like a scared that is equivalent to too-many-options-and-freaking-out.
It could be worse, I know. I could have no options. But I just really wish I could narrow it down. Like a specific job I want to gain. Or a specific place I want to travel to. Or a specific goal that I want to achieve.
I have never been the kind of person to hold expectations or goals at extreme priority. Meaning, I have never really clung to one goal or expectation because of the fear of not meeting them, which only leads to disappointment. But, here are a few words of advice: That doesn't really work. Disappointment is a part of life, and I have realized lately that I really need to pick a goal and work my booty off to get to it. And that is with or without disappointment. I just need to go for it.
There are a lot of things I have wanted in life, but I didn't necessarily cling to them. And the consequence was that realization that I had given up too much of my dreams and was, in the end, dreaming of nothing. If that makes sense?
So here are few things that I have decided that I really need to do for myself.
1. Go backpacking in Europe. I don't want a single reservation booked or excursion planned. I just want a group of friends, a full back pack, and an open itinerary for a few weeks to see where it leads me.
2. Write a book. I could care less if it becomes a best seller or known at all. I just want to write something worth reading, and something that I am proud of.
3. Find a way to get paid for traveling and writing all in one. It's a long shot, because there is a very small market for that kind of thing. But, wouldn't that be awesome?
4. Go on a long term international missions trip. And by that I mean, not just a few days or weeks. I mean, like live in another country for months at a time to show the light of Christ.
Those are the four main ones I have decided to cling to at the moment. They may change, or I may add some more. But those are the ones I want to achieve before I am too old to do any of them
I can't wait. I can't wait to live. Live for real.
No comments:
Post a Comment