Live For Real.

This picture is from Goa, India. Like I said, I have recently been a little obsessed with this blog. I just love reading about her travels. She had 24 hours in Goa and posted about this little beach hut she stayed in a for while. No electric, lots of sun. As she said in her blog, to make the most of your beach hut, rise with the sun. I just want to do something like this one day, and when I think about that, I just think of one more thing....

The future scares me.

I sit here and watch my some friends of mine graduate, others who are preparing to graduate in the spring, and others who are stocking up their resume for when they do graduate. Meanwhile, here I am sitting in my apartment bedroom, at midnight, watching International House Hunters merely wishing that I could be searching for an apartment in Poland or Paris. And then, of course, I feel like I am being surrounded by dozens of stories about aspiring writers and journalist who are slowly making the transition from bottom-of-the-barrel to successful.

Where does that leave me?

And no, I am not scared as in "worried out of my mind" and "stressed to death." No. Not that. When I say that I am scared, I mean that I have not taken a step forward in any single direction. So, there are dozens, hundreds even, of routes I could take. And I feel like I am just standing in the middle of the intersection trying to decide which road to take. It's like a scared that is equivalent to too-many-options-and-freaking-out.

It could be worse, I know. I could have no options. But I just really wish I could narrow it down. Like a specific job I want to gain. Or a specific place I want to travel to. Or a specific goal that I want to achieve.

I have never been the kind of person to hold expectations or goals at extreme priority. Meaning, I have never really clung to one goal or expectation because of the fear of not meeting them, which only leads to disappointment. But, here are a few words of advice: That doesn't really work.  Disappointment is a part of life, and I have realized lately that I really need to pick a goal and work my booty off to get to it. And that is with or without disappointment. I just need to go for it.

There are a lot of things I have wanted in life, but I didn't necessarily cling to them. And the consequence was that realization that I had given up too much of my dreams and was, in the end, dreaming of nothing. If that makes sense?

So here are few things that I have decided that I really need to do for myself.
1. Go backpacking in Europe. I don't want a single reservation booked or excursion planned. I just want a group of friends, a full back pack, and an open itinerary for a few weeks to see where it leads me.
2. Write a book. I could care less if it becomes a best seller or known at all. I just want to write something worth reading, and something that I am proud of.
3. Find a way to get paid for traveling and writing all in one. It's a long shot, because there is a very small market for that kind of thing. But, wouldn't that be awesome?
4. Go on a long term international missions trip. And by that I mean, not just a few days or weeks. I mean, like live in another country for months at a time to show the light of Christ.

Those are the four main ones I have decided to cling to at the moment. They may change, or I may add some more. But those are the ones I want to achieve before I am too old to do any of them

I can't wait. I can't wait to live. Live for real.

Freedom!

Reason #214 that I love JMU: Because school actually becomes MORE entertaining during finals week.

Welp, ladies and gents, there goes another semester. I am three for three in my college career, and it feels rather swell. The only problem now is getting over what has recently been deemed "Tay-Syndrome", also known as, being-bored-with-nothing-to-do blues. I seriously am not the type that can just do nothing. Yes, I know I kind of complain about being so busy and so overwhelmed sometimes, but I really do love it. I need something to do, or something planned, or something to work for, otherwise I just feel lazy and don't get out of bed.

The verdict is looking good. I think I may over come this rare syndrome. Natalie and I were both inflicted this afternoon, only hours after our semester ended. So we decided to get up and do something productive. First, we had a Barnes and Nobles date. Yeah, it sounds weird, but I could literally spend hours in there. And they have coffee! So we sat and talked for a bit in there. Then we took a short stroll around down town, and finally came back to my apartment where we had craft time. We made a few Christmas gifts for a few special people. And I now have a new friend living in my room with me! (Click here to see him!). Isn't he just adorbs? Well, I thought so.

Oh and on a side note, you should look at this blog. It's pretty much what I want to do with my life. Travel, and write about it. And, this girl is doing for a master's degree! Mind = blown.

This Picture.

This picture describes the only three things I really need in life. Coffee, Jesus, and SAO.

(Add in my family and best friends in there too, but I had no way of putting that into a picture).

This has been one of the hardest weeks I have had to deal with in a while.

Not THE hardest, but nonetheless, really hard.

Good night world, I am going to sleep before I have to take this horrific Spanish exam tomorrow. 

Currently...

Obessing over: the Frank Sinatra Pandora station. I put it on in the morning and it literally just puts me in such a chipper mood. But, seriously, you should do it. It just makes you want to drink hot chocolate, skip with while swinging a cane, and dance like old couples.

Working on: My extremely large final essay for my Humanities literature class. I haven't written a word yet because I am having major writer's block. Fail.

Thinking about: My sister. A picture popped up on my computer of me and her messing around with Photobooth and I missed her.

Anticipating: Being done with school for the semester. Need I say more?

Listening to: See the line labeled "Obsessing over"

Drinking: Water out of the new Camelback water bottle I just bought a few days ago. I'm pretty excited about it actually, only because I never wanted to buy one because they are so darn expensive!

Wishing: That there was such thing as the "Essay Writing Fairy." That would awe-to-the-some.

Love Letters

To everyone, you should read this. Especially if you are stressed this week because of finals.

Two Words: Finals Week

This picture explains how I have been feeling all week: drained. And I know I am not the only one. Almost every single school I know has exams this week or next. Ours is next week, but of course, over half of my exams are this week, and the other half are on Monday of next week. So, needless to say, I have a lot do this week and this weekend. But, hey, on the bright side, I will be done this semester by Monday.....can I get a fistpump?!

Life Lessons of Fall Semester '11

You know, I have been at a sort of loss lately as to what I want to talk about on this little blog of mine. It's not that I have lacked topics to talk about or lack of any feelings to sort through. Actually, it has been the exact opposite. I've had tons of thoughts running through my brain. The problem, honestly, has been the fact that I don't know how to write exactly what I want to because I don't even know what it is that I am feeling. But if there is one thing I have learned this semester, it is that writing is my outlet: I may not be the best writer in the world, but I genuinely love it because it is my tool for self-exploration and self-understanding. So, here we go.

I have a new appreciation for the gift of life. I don't mean to bring these rough situations up again, but yes, my brother almost died. My best friend and her family dealt with a tragic death. And my roommate lost one of her closest friends and teammates unexpectedly just two days ago. And then, of course, my boyfriend and I went to see the new movie "In Time" and it really just hyperbolized the fact that time is limited, and you never know when your clock will run out.

So with such a short life, where does that leave me? Let's be honest here: I am nothing but a piece of dust on the timeline of eternity. And so is everyone else. It's only in eternity when my life becomes dust no longer, but becomes a stone: permanent and stagnant. Your life will become permanent one day too: the question is, where will it be?

I pray to God I can spend eternity with Him. And I pray even more that my family and friends will be with. And that is where this whole re-evaluation on life has lead me: the need to reach out to the ones I love.

Here we go Taylor: It's time to stop being a coward. Stand up. Speak up. And stand out. And whoever is reading this: You do the same. I've decided it is time for me to stop taking my relationships for granted. I've decided I am taking my relationships off the backburner, and putting as a top priority, and reach out to those who desperately need something more in their life.

Another thing I have learned lately is the true definition of love. No offense to the Disney movies, but they don't exactly portray realistic love. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Disney and probably more than a normal human being should. But the love they taught me is the love I believed. I believed that love is a feeling, an emotion, or an immense sense of happiness of sorts. In a way, yeah, that is kind of true. But, it is not the whole truth. It is great to "feel" something for someone, but I hate to burst your bubble: no matter how much you love someone, that feeling will not last.

If you don't understand what I mean, think about it this way. Jesus Christ. If my relationship with Him was emotionally based, like we are bred to believe love is, then I would not be a follower of Christ. If faith was emotion based, the moment something bad happened or the instant we became upset or stressed, our belief in Him would diminish. Sorry, but that is not how it works. In my relationship with Christ, I have to make a conscious decision to lean on him during the good, AND the bad. Now, if that is how my relationship with Christ works, why should my relationships on Earth be any different?

Love, I have learned, is a decision. It is a life choice. It is a promise to remain faithful even when you are completely hopeless. It may not "feel" good, or "feel" like the love we have been taught, but that doesn't mean that the love isn't there.

And the last thing I have learned: the future is scary. I don't mean that in a negative way. I just mean that I have to learn to come to the realization that I am not a kid anymore. It's a sad truth, but I guess I can't ignore it forever.