A Little Bit Of Tweakin'

One good thing about being on Christmas break? You get a lot of alone time. After being surrounded by people literally all day, everyday in classes, work, and in my apartment, it's almost strange when I sit in a quiet room. I finally get to hear my own thoughts.

And here is what I have been thinking. My last post seemed kind of selfish. I ranted on and on about what I wanted to do with my life, and about what I thought was best for me. How stupid of me. It should not be about that. It should be about Him, and only Him, and about what He wants for me.

Ecclesiastes 2:10-11 - "Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor. And this was my reward from all my labor. Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labor in which I had toiled; And indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. There was no profit under the sun."

Talk about a shot in the heart, ya know? Sometimes you read things that make you go "Hmm" and make you question what you have already done.

I think the problem with most college students is the over-advertised belief that college is a time for self-exploration and seizing opportunities to secure your dream lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with dreaming, seizing awesome opportunities, or learning about yourself. The issues arises when it starts becoming truly self-absorbed, and not God oriented. It becomes "my dreams" rather than "my dreams for serving God."

I think that is where I am at right now, and I know I am not alone. Or, at least I hope not. I look back on my last post and realize that, again, there is nothing wrong with any of those dreams. The ambitions to travel and write are not a negative. In fact, they are beautiful dreams. I just need to ensure that I am doing them for all the right reasons.

As Ecclesiastes says, "There is no profit under the sun." So there is no point in desiring a life of things, because the moment you die, those things become nothing to you. All you will have left is the life you lead, and the day of judgement. Do you really think getting a promotion, buying a house, or driving a nice car will be of any affect when you stand before the throne? Nope.

So rather than changing all of aspirations, I will tweak them. And I suggest you do the same. I still want to back pack through Europe. But I pray that I can do that and talk to people about Jesus along the way, and truly humble myself through a short journey with nothing but the necessities on my back. I still want to write and travel at the same time, but I pray I can shine a light into the lives of other people through my travels and my words. And as for the book, I pray that it truly can serve a purpose, rather than just writing a story about a sparkly vampire romance.

And if none of those things happen, I won't be upset. But I won't stop working hard.

Live For Real.

This picture is from Goa, India. Like I said, I have recently been a little obsessed with this blog. I just love reading about her travels. She had 24 hours in Goa and posted about this little beach hut she stayed in a for while. No electric, lots of sun. As she said in her blog, to make the most of your beach hut, rise with the sun. I just want to do something like this one day, and when I think about that, I just think of one more thing....

The future scares me.

I sit here and watch my some friends of mine graduate, others who are preparing to graduate in the spring, and others who are stocking up their resume for when they do graduate. Meanwhile, here I am sitting in my apartment bedroom, at midnight, watching International House Hunters merely wishing that I could be searching for an apartment in Poland or Paris. And then, of course, I feel like I am being surrounded by dozens of stories about aspiring writers and journalist who are slowly making the transition from bottom-of-the-barrel to successful.

Where does that leave me?

And no, I am not scared as in "worried out of my mind" and "stressed to death." No. Not that. When I say that I am scared, I mean that I have not taken a step forward in any single direction. So, there are dozens, hundreds even, of routes I could take. And I feel like I am just standing in the middle of the intersection trying to decide which road to take. It's like a scared that is equivalent to too-many-options-and-freaking-out.

It could be worse, I know. I could have no options. But I just really wish I could narrow it down. Like a specific job I want to gain. Or a specific place I want to travel to. Or a specific goal that I want to achieve.

I have never been the kind of person to hold expectations or goals at extreme priority. Meaning, I have never really clung to one goal or expectation because of the fear of not meeting them, which only leads to disappointment. But, here are a few words of advice: That doesn't really work.  Disappointment is a part of life, and I have realized lately that I really need to pick a goal and work my booty off to get to it. And that is with or without disappointment. I just need to go for it.

There are a lot of things I have wanted in life, but I didn't necessarily cling to them. And the consequence was that realization that I had given up too much of my dreams and was, in the end, dreaming of nothing. If that makes sense?

So here are few things that I have decided that I really need to do for myself.
1. Go backpacking in Europe. I don't want a single reservation booked or excursion planned. I just want a group of friends, a full back pack, and an open itinerary for a few weeks to see where it leads me.
2. Write a book. I could care less if it becomes a best seller or known at all. I just want to write something worth reading, and something that I am proud of.
3. Find a way to get paid for traveling and writing all in one. It's a long shot, because there is a very small market for that kind of thing. But, wouldn't that be awesome?
4. Go on a long term international missions trip. And by that I mean, not just a few days or weeks. I mean, like live in another country for months at a time to show the light of Christ.

Those are the four main ones I have decided to cling to at the moment. They may change, or I may add some more. But those are the ones I want to achieve before I am too old to do any of them

I can't wait. I can't wait to live. Live for real.

Freedom!

Reason #214 that I love JMU: Because school actually becomes MORE entertaining during finals week.

Welp, ladies and gents, there goes another semester. I am three for three in my college career, and it feels rather swell. The only problem now is getting over what has recently been deemed "Tay-Syndrome", also known as, being-bored-with-nothing-to-do blues. I seriously am not the type that can just do nothing. Yes, I know I kind of complain about being so busy and so overwhelmed sometimes, but I really do love it. I need something to do, or something planned, or something to work for, otherwise I just feel lazy and don't get out of bed.

The verdict is looking good. I think I may over come this rare syndrome. Natalie and I were both inflicted this afternoon, only hours after our semester ended. So we decided to get up and do something productive. First, we had a Barnes and Nobles date. Yeah, it sounds weird, but I could literally spend hours in there. And they have coffee! So we sat and talked for a bit in there. Then we took a short stroll around down town, and finally came back to my apartment where we had craft time. We made a few Christmas gifts for a few special people. And I now have a new friend living in my room with me! (Click here to see him!). Isn't he just adorbs? Well, I thought so.

Oh and on a side note, you should look at this blog. It's pretty much what I want to do with my life. Travel, and write about it. And, this girl is doing for a master's degree! Mind = blown.

This Picture.

This picture describes the only three things I really need in life. Coffee, Jesus, and SAO.

(Add in my family and best friends in there too, but I had no way of putting that into a picture).

This has been one of the hardest weeks I have had to deal with in a while.

Not THE hardest, but nonetheless, really hard.

Good night world, I am going to sleep before I have to take this horrific Spanish exam tomorrow. 

Currently...

Obessing over: the Frank Sinatra Pandora station. I put it on in the morning and it literally just puts me in such a chipper mood. But, seriously, you should do it. It just makes you want to drink hot chocolate, skip with while swinging a cane, and dance like old couples.

Working on: My extremely large final essay for my Humanities literature class. I haven't written a word yet because I am having major writer's block. Fail.

Thinking about: My sister. A picture popped up on my computer of me and her messing around with Photobooth and I missed her.

Anticipating: Being done with school for the semester. Need I say more?

Listening to: See the line labeled "Obsessing over"

Drinking: Water out of the new Camelback water bottle I just bought a few days ago. I'm pretty excited about it actually, only because I never wanted to buy one because they are so darn expensive!

Wishing: That there was such thing as the "Essay Writing Fairy." That would awe-to-the-some.

Love Letters

To everyone, you should read this. Especially if you are stressed this week because of finals.

Two Words: Finals Week

This picture explains how I have been feeling all week: drained. And I know I am not the only one. Almost every single school I know has exams this week or next. Ours is next week, but of course, over half of my exams are this week, and the other half are on Monday of next week. So, needless to say, I have a lot do this week and this weekend. But, hey, on the bright side, I will be done this semester by Monday.....can I get a fistpump?!